My [raw] Motherhood Essays #1

I sit here with an iced coffee–coconut, my favorite–and a chocolate chip cookie baked last night. Both of my children are napping and the air outside has autumn swirling around inside of it. The house is mostly spotless and there are only two piles of laundry to fold today instead of three. But the truth is, my afternoons are not always like this. Yesterday was not like this.

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Yesterday my daughter screamed more in her life than she ever has before. She screamed to the point where I needed to lay her down, walk out of the room and just breathe. I needed to go upstairs and hold my son who snuggled into me and pray that my husband returned from work sooner and not later.

I know this is okay. The midwife told me weeks ago when she was born, “It is okay if the baby cries and you just need a breather. Leave her in a safe spot and go take a couple minutes for yourself.” I know that if she told me that, she must tell all moms that. If she is telling other moms this, it must happen to other moms. I must not be alone. I must not be the only mom who has moments that need a reset button and needs to be alone. To breathe. To sit. To scroll instagram and know that the other moms on there have moments too.

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“Your instagram is perfect,” commented a girl to me once. “You have such beautiful pictures.” And perhaps my pictures are pretty. But perhaps it is because I love photography. I love capturing the happy moments that happen in my little family. Don’t most of us? It’s not to make a front that my family only has perfect, smiling moments. My photos are an art in the way my words are. I think they both share different sides of my story.

So here are the words that belong in between the pictures.

My  daughter went in and out of screaming. By the time my husband came home (later than normal) he took the baby without asking and I made dinner (which was served later than normal). He then shoo’d me out of the house to my spinning class where I took those 45 minutes to breathe (and work out harder than normal). I think you get the picture.

Today is better. My daughter must have worked out that gas and decided that she actually did need to nap today. She smiled at me tremendously as well and I returned the favor.  Today I started my morning reading my Bible and asking God for patience. He answered abundantly.

I think it’s in these moments that the learning and persevering occur. It’s up to us if we allow these moments to make us feel like failures or instead turn those feelings over to God and ask him to use these moments to shape us into the mothers we strive to be; the mothers He has called us to be.

xo, bethany rose

Hadley Rose: month two

TWO MONTHS OLD! This little chick makes visible leaps and bounds even to Jake and me. She is still totally my newborn but a very alert one!

Hadley started really smiling last week and loves to do it. Her one eye starts to close a bit giving us a full faced smile. I just melt! I think she is starting to coo and talk a bit to us. We got her a swing *win!!!* after a weekend with friends who had borrowed one for us. She napped SO well in it and we came home and got ourselves one for $15 from a FSOT page. Our tiny little travel one just did not cut it for her like it did Emmett.

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Hadley is usually a little angel all day long and then the 7:00 hour hits and nothing calms her until she falls asleep for the night. Yeah, well, the swing. The swing nixed that witching hour and I am hoping it continues! Don’t worry, she does not sleep at night in the swing!

Sleep…sleep….dear evasive sleep…two nights ago was amazing. She nursed around 10, fell asleep around 11 and slept till 6am! Usually she insists on being put to sleep at 7, but that night was small group so we were all up late and that just was not happening. And by some miracle, we all slept through the night. *hands to the sky*

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[bow from Lou Lou + Company]

We have had some rough nights where even Jake is up with the baby because I just can’t function sometimes. We have basically made a truce that whatever we say in the middle of the night from our sleep deprived mouths cannot be counted against us the following morning. It’s working quite well. 😉

Hadley is strong. She is holding her head up quite well and can move it from side to side during tummy time. We joke that all of the muscle tone Emmett left in my belly, Hadley took with her. I am guessing an early crawler and walker this time around, but we will see.

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Some Hadley stats

weight:  11 pounds 11 ounces

height: 21.5 inches (!?)

diapers: She was in 1’s and then we found a huge box of unopened newborn diapers in the bottom of the closet. Needless to say, we have been squeezing her into those and will be done with them in another couple days.

clothing: All 0-3!

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What Hadley is up to

-being alert

-being finicky with sleep. Sometimes 5 hour stretches. Sometimes 9. 

-smiling!!! Especially at Emmett

-lifting her head up and moving it side to side. Sitting kind of on me with her head up. 

Hadley Photo Dump

xo, bethany rose

Some Summer Readin’

Most of my posts lately have been all things baby, pregnancy and maternity! I wanted to change gears and talk about my summer reading. And by summer reading, I more mean my current slight obsession with anything by Liane Moriarty.

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I came across her a couple months ago when I tried her novel What Alice Forgot. I was instantly hooked on her Australian dialogue and chick flick (chick lit)/not chick flick style of writing. I always have a hard time describing her because her books are definitely geared toward the female population, but they are also intriguing and have a wonderful story line and plot and are not necessarily predictable like your typical chick flick movie.

I have been telling everyone about her books and should probably become her PR person but you know….life, people. 

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Anyways, she has seven books and I have read four of them and am in the middle of a fifth.

My list so far

What Alice Forgot

The Husband’s Secret

Big Little Lies

Truly, Madly, Guilty

The Hypnotist’s Love Story (currently reading)

[What Alice Forgot is still my favorite so far followed by Big, Little Lies.]

I guess my slight disclaimer would be that there are short segments in her books that I would rate as PG-13. I don’t agree with everything she says, but I feel like as a Christian in this world we need to be “in it not of it.” Her books don’t contain anything you wouldn’t see on a popular Netflix show and are DEFINITELY not detailed sex scenes or anything like that–that would be too much for me.

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OK, so you are new to Liane Moriarty and trying to figure out where to start. I found this list AFTER I started reading her books. It was written before her seventh book came out, but the writer suggests an order to read them in! I definitely did not do this order and it is obviously find if you don’t!

 

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So what am I going to do after I finish all of her books? I found this post that shares other books fans of hers might enjoy.

What are you reading this summer!?

xo, bethany rose