Part 2: 12 Secrets to a Lasting Marriage

It is my privilege to share with you my grandmother’s remaining six secrets to a lasting and love filled marriage. She and my grandfather weathered the storms together and were happily married for 62 years. If you missed the first six secrets, be sure to check them out!

12 secrets to a lasting and love filled marriage from a woman married 62 years

7. Say “please.” Prefix requests (big and little) with the word “please.”
8. Realize the importance of daily quality time together. My grandmother will be the first to admit that times have changed since she said “I do.” In our present society women work much more than they did in 1955. She says that every night she would try to give my grandfather quality time. She would socialize and talk on the phone during the day, but when my grandfather got home, it was their time together. Her aim with this last point is to stress the importance of spending time together.

 9.  Pray together daily.  My grandparents prayed together about 5 mornings a week right after breakfast. My grandfather would read a devotional and scripture and they both would pray.  She says they would hold hands during this time and I think that is the sweetest picture! 

 10. Surprise one another with acts of love.  Whether it be small or large, express your affection though unexpected acts of love. They can be verbal or physical, just something your spouse is not expecting! This brings joy to the giver and receiver. My grandmother recounts that my grandfather loved coconut (and she couldn’t stand it). She would often buy him coconut treats when she saw them in the store.
11.Don’t bring up past resolved issues. Yes, you read that correctly. If any past issue has been resolved and had closure, don’t bring it up again (unless unusual circumstances make it essential). Doing this can bring up old hurt, anger and even create new problems.
12. Make God the center. If you know my grandparents, you are probably wondering why this is last. Well, it is honestly the most important and I wanted to leave this as the final thought as you walk away and take this wisdom with you. Making God the center and the foundation of a marriage is the key. You can do numbers 1-11 but without number 12, you are missing out.
I hope these words stick with you. Let’s be a a generation of husbands and wives fighting for our marriages and changing the statistics of divorce in this nation.
What is a marriage secret that has been passed on to you?
xo, bethany rose

Part 1: 12 Secrets for a Lasting Marriage

How do you make your marriage last? How do you save your marriage? What is the secret to a loving marriage?

When you meet a couple who lived out sixty-two years of loving each other to the max, you wonder, “What is their secret?” My grandparents were that, and even after my grandfather’s passing last year, my grandmother continues to show her unending love in the way she speaks of him. My husband’s goal and mine has been to walk in their footsteps since the day my husband met them and said, “I want to be like them. I want to be so in love even when we are gray and old.”

My grandmother has a heart for sharing what made their marriage last–and not only last–but be strong and love-filled the entirety of it. She sat down with me and shared her heart. What I give you is part one of her “12 secrets for a lasting marriage.”


12 secrets for a lasting marriage, love life, waves and lilacs

1. Let all the “small stuff” go!  Most differences of opinion are not significant enough to address.  But if you feel strongly about something, then it does need to be discussed. (Addressed in next point) A funny story my grandmother tells begins with my grandfather saying, “I have something important to tell you. Sit down.” This was very out of character for him. My grandmother says she couldn’t fathom what he had to tell her and was worried she had done something drastically wrong. My grandfather looked at her very seriously and said, “I do not like the way you put cookies in the cookie jar.” He proceeded to explain he liked a certain number of cookies in the jar at a time and was adamant that the cookies would go stale if done another way. While my grandmother did not agree with his reasoning, or this being a huge issue, she decided to relinquish power of the cookie jar over to him.

2.  Wait to talk about major issues. The important thing about major issues would be to wait until the “right” time to calmly and patiently talk it out. When my grandparents had a major difference of opinion, God gave them the wisdom for how to settle the issue.

3. Think before you speak. If upset or annoyed about something, THINK before you speak! Words can never be taken back.  Memories of hurtful words will be remembered for a long time.

4. Give 100%. This applies to BOTH individuals. Some people believe that if they each give 50%, it will total 100%. This is incorrect thinking. Give 100% of yourself, each of you. Give, receive, give, receive. The husband and wife both need to try to do what blesses the other — back and forth, back and forth.


5. Express gratitude to one another. Say “thank you” frequently. Say it for the big things. Say it for the little things. Say it for cleaning the kitchen. Say it for running an errand. Say it for dinner being cooked. Say it for everything.

6. Acknowledge communication differences. Acknowledging reality of the differences in male/female basic communication desires, my grandmother says she tried to keep conversations of general nature to a short duration. She knew my grandfather didn’t really care about all the tiny details. Figure out what those differences are in your marriage and choose to communicate in effective ways. This is not to say that you should not share your heart or have long meaningful conversations–you should!


Stay tuned for part two! ❤

xo, bethany rose