Part 1: 12 Secrets for a Lasting Marriage

When you meet a couple who lived out sixty-two years of loving each other to the max, you wonder, “What is their secret?” My grandparents were that, and even after my grandfather’s passing last year, my grandmother continues to show her unending love in the way she speaks of him. My husband’s goal and mine has been to walk in their footsteps since the day my husband met them and said, “I want to be like them. I want to be so in love even when we are gray and old.”

My grandmother has a heart for sharing what made their marriage last–and not only last–but be strong and love-filled the entirety of it. She sat down with me and shared her heart. What I give you is part one of her “12 secrets for a lasting marriage.”

 

12 secrets for a lasting marriage, love life, waves and lilacs

1. Let all the “small stuff” go!  Most differences of opinion are not significant enough to address.  But if you feel strongly about something, then it does need to be discussed. (Addressed in next point) A funny story my grandmother tells begins with my grandfather saying, “I have something important to tell you. Sit down.” This was very out of character for him. My grandmother says she couldn’t fathom what he had to tell her and was worried she had done something drastically wrong. My grandfather looked at her very seriously and said, “I do not like the way you put cookies in the cookie jar.” He proceeded to explain he liked a certain number of cookies in the jar at a time and was adamant that the cookies would go stale if done another way. While my grandmother did not agree with his reasoning, or this being a huge issue, she decided to relinquish power of the cookie jar over to him.

2.  Wait to talk about major issues. The important thing about major issues would be to wait until the “right” time to calmly and patiently talk it out. When my grandparents had a major difference of opinion, God gave them the wisdom for how to settle the issue.

3. Think before you speak. If upset or annoyed about something, THINK before you speak! Words can never be taken back.  Memories of hurtful words will be remembered for a long time.

4. Give 100%. This applies to BOTH individuals. Some people believe that if they each give 50%, it will total 100%. This is incorrect thinking. Give 100% of yourself, each of you. Give, receive, give, receive. The husband and wife both need to try to do what blesses the other — back and forth, back and forth.

 

5. Express gratitude to one another. Say “thank you” frequently. Say it for the big things. Say it for the little things. Say it for cleaning the kitchen. Say it for running an errand. Say it for dinner being cooked. Say it for everything.

6. Acknowledge communication differences. Acknowledging reality of the differences in male/female basic communication desires, my grandmother says she tried to keep conversations of general nature to a short duration. She knew my grandfather didn’t really care about all the tiny details. Figure out what those differences are in your marriage and choose to communicate in effective ways. This is not to say that you should not share your heart or have long meaningful conversations–you should!

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Stay tuned for part two! ❤

xo, bethany rose

5 Ideas for Valentine’s Day as Parents

~This post is sponsored, but all opinions are my own. ~

It has come to my attention that children take up quite a bit of their parents’ time.
(That’s meant to be read humorously 😉 )

If you are a parent you learned this from the day your pregnancy stick turned pink on both lines.

What has also come to my attention is that parents often times forget the importance of spending time with each other alone or doing something for the other. This is a huge passion of mine and if you’ve known me for any length of time, you know how important my husband is to me and that we strive to do things together. If your marriage is put first and worked on, your children thrive because of it.

So let’s talk about Valentine’s Day.  What are some things you can do  TOGETHER or for EACH OTHER?  I teamed up with a couple of my favorite bloggers and gift company to give you 5 ideas for making this day special!

five ideas for valentine's day as parents

  1. Give the kids the day, you and your spouse the night. Alternatively, give the kids the evening if you and your husband work during the day and you and your husband the night. I know mom guilt can be real and it is so fun to spend these holidays with our kids. So do that! If you are home all day with your kids, celebrate with them. When dad gets home, give him valentines from the kids and maybe special cookies that your kids made. If you all are getting home at dinner time, maybe make a special valentine dinner for your family (but don’t eat too much…see number 2) and then put the kids to bed a little early.  It might mean they wake up a little earlier February 15th, but it will also mean you get a longer stretch with your husband and I think that’s worth it.
  2. Plan a special meal. If you have the option to go out, go for it! But that does not have to happen. My husband and I have since started a tradition of getting sushi take-out style. We feed Emmett ahead of time and wait to eat alone. Really, when was the last time you ate and did not have to say “pick up your fork,” “No, that does not go in your mouth” or didn’t speed eat because the baby needed to be nursed? It truly is a wonderful thing.
  3. Get a special gift.  I don’t think presents are overrated on Valentine’s Day. My love language is gifts (giving and receiving) and when I find the perfect gift (which guys, I’m not gonna brag, but I am a pretty awesome gift giver) I get SO excited. It took everything inside me to not tell my husband about this gift. This year I got Jake a star constellation map from Under Lucky Stars. This website lets you pick the date, time, and location of your choosing and then sends you a poster of the constellations from those specifications. How cool is that!? I picked our wedding day and the time our ceremony began.  It turned out SO beautiful and was such a fun surprise to give.
    (Under Lucky Stars is so amazing that I have a code to share with you guys for $10 off your purchase. code:  WAVESANDLILACS_STARS)IMG_7876

4. Surprise your spouse at work. “Surprise your spouse with coffee at work,” says Tori from Raising Our Stakes. This is a GREAT way of showing your love for your spouse in front of your children while involving them as well.

5. Recreate a (pre-kids) date night. “Recreate one of your dates pre-baby/kids…it brings up memories and conversations and you feel all the butterflies again,” says Bethany  from La Vida Vera I am sure from all the weeks to years of dating your significant other, you have a couple favorite dates that stand out. (You probably also had a lot more time to plan them before having kids!) Surprise your spouse and take a walk down memory lane.

xo, bethany rose

Fall or Summer? [Fashion Friday for the ‘normal’ family]

Hey Guys! OK, I am starting ANOTHER series, but this time on fashion. I know, since when did I get that interested in fashion? I don’t think it is that I am THAT into fashion, it is just I need to clothe my kids AND me AND make sure the husband doesn’t wear the same T-shirt three days in a row. So by default, I care a little bit about fashion. But this is FASHION for the AVERAGE/NORMAL/WE-DON’T-CARE-ABOUT-BRAND-NAMES family. I just shop at normal places. Old Navy. Target. Online stores. Thrift stores.

So this series is to keep you updated with sales, specific items you need in your wardrobe at easy to drive to (or click to) places, and how to make it through the year in some kind of style.

Today’s focus is….having a wardrobe for transitioning seasons!

Fashion Friday {For the normal family]-transitional pieces

Here in PA we are going from cool fall days to summer days still in between. In fact, yesterday I went to the largest consignment sale here (happens 2 times a year) and bought a bunch of wintery items for our kiddos. Uh, $2 plaid long sleeves? Yes, please! That’ll be my wannabe lumberjack son over there.

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For my Mama Tribe:

I am loving this piece from Pink Blush. Its lightweight bamboo material makes it a great transition piece. I paired it with leggings and a scarf the other night and we went to the museum. It’s also the type of piece that I feel makes you look cute running around town but when you get home–it is so comfortable–it makes you just want to stay in it and snuggle up by the fireside. [shop my look here]

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For the Littles:

Emmett: One of our favorite pieces so far is a plaid hoodie (link is similar to his) from Carter’s. I find that Carter’s can have great essentials for kids, i.e. hoodies and pants. Emmett’s been rocking this hoodie and it’s great because he can wear it as a light jacket or as his actual shirt right now. It has some great fall colors in it too 🙂

Hadley: She is still fitting into 0-3 which means we have mainly summer clothes for her. I’ve been pairing onesies though with lighter stretchy pants. They’re not too hot and can be paired with any kind of top or dress which I love. (Her romper is from Old Navy but I don’t think it is sold anymore. Similar ones can be found here or here.) Also, drool is totally in style.

 

For the Husband Squad:

My husband wore a long sleeve shirt the other week because the temperature dropped so much! If you know him, this is a big deal as he lives in T-shirts. Old Navy thermals are great and that’s one of my husband’s ‘go-to’ shirts when cooler temps hit.

old navy thermal

So there you have it! Style for the NORMAL family.

What’s in your wardrobe this September?

xo, bethany rose